MY JOURNEY TO SELF HEALING
This article took me forever to jolt because I went on a self-searching journey to find out how I got to the place Iam, which I must say is the best place I have been in so long.
How did I get here?
1. I made a deliberate choice.
I practically made a choice one morning in June after my last surgery (see article on why I have been MIA) that I wanted to get both physically and mentally whole as I was in very dark space.
I was tired of being angry, bitter, sad with myself and God.
I wanted my life back, I wanted my joy, my sanity and peace back so badly that I realized that the power to get to this place was with me and nobody else.
The power to disallow myself to wallow in pity and throw pity parties with everyone who tried to reach out to me was with me.
The power to disallow those bad emotions to drain me and have the better part of me was also with me.
I wanted the new but I had to make a choice to let go of the old.
2. I used my tongue to get my life back
The power of life and death is the mouth and the battle field is the mind.
Trust me when I tell you that you can invent and create the life you want by changing your thoughts and speaking life(positivity) to your situation.
That’s what I DID!
Every time the self doubt thoughts came crippling in trying to tell me that God was done with me, that I don’t deserve happiness, am a failure etc I would counter attack it with positivity and the word of God.
I could only do this because I knew what God was saying about me.
I did this by reading his word and staying equipped, so that when those thoughts bombarded me I had a weapon of attack (a scripture from Gods word)
Trust me, it got me out of depression because with time I started believing that God wanted the best for me and it translated into my life…
Whatever I was speaking, little did I know I was creating.
Am a testament that everything I created with my mouth am now enjoying.
3.Got Rid of Toxicity
I had to get rid of any negative energy around me.
That meant getting rid of those people who would call me only when they have a bad report, people who discourage me, toxic people basically.
Have you ever met someone for the first time and their energy was so uplifting that by the time you part ways you feel so fulfilled?
Those are the people I started welcoming into my circle and still do to date.
I had to end so many relationships with people and learn that it is sometimes the best kind of love to offer toxic people is i.e. “loving them from a distance”
This has ended up clearing my mind, I feel refreshed and I feel as if a new person in me has been birthed.
Am excited to unravel what God has in store for me (Jer 29:11)
My story isn’t over, God is still writing it, and I promise as I end this series on why I have been MIA, it doesn’t mean that I won’t let you in on the surprises God has in store for me.
Thank-you for the love and encouragement and for even trusting me with your stories on the DM’s, WHATSAPP messages and the comment section below my articles.
You guys have literally inspired me and you have become my strength.
Am so glad I got to share about a very vulnerable time in my life with y’all because from what you guys have shared with me, I believe I have also inspired and been an encouragement to you.
Don’t give up no matter what your situation is, if I am now ok, you will be just good, I promise you.
Gods not done with you, that’s why you still have breathe in your lungs.
You are his masterpiece-he has you at the palm of his hands and at the centre of his will.
Love you always,
N.B. I am currently working on platform where women can bond over speaking about their infertility issues such as fibroids and find help for their specific needs.
Look out for this soon.
Don’t forget to let me in on yourself healing journey or any questions you may have on the comment section below.
So, before the miscarriage, in 2016 this happened.
I remember vividly 2 months after my wedding I was sitting at my desk in the office.
I was at the time trying to wind up on work while waiting for my husband to pick me up so that we can head home.
I was menstruating, and had changed my sanitary towel an hour before blood passed through my jeans onto the seat I was on.
I made an absolute mess, as I tried to make way to the washroom to find out what was happening.
This had never happened before? I thought to myself.
Hmm, so eventually I went home and tried to contain myself, saying maybe it is the dark chocolate I had that day (which I always did when on my period) which we women insist that, chocolate has an ingredient which can make you bleed heavily if on your period.
Two months later, 2017 was here with us and I was looking forward to getting my weight under control.
Therefore, I made plans to hit the gym regularly.
One afternoon as I was working out with my trainer, I started experiencing dizzy spells.
The first time he gave me a 10 min break then we got back into the workout. The dizziness came back and he instructed me to go home and get some rest.
Eventually, one thing led to another and I had to seek some medical assistance which further pointed out to I having Submucosal Fibroids which grow just underneath the uterine lining and can crowd into the uterus cavity and lead to heavy bleeding and other more serious complications.
The dizziness was a result of the heavy bleeding that resulted to me being anemic, therefore, I was put on blood supplements to manage the fibroids.
Later on into the year, exactly 5 months, I got my period only that this time it lasted for 3 months which saw me going into major surgery (laparoscopic surgery) to get the big fibroids that were causing the heavy bleeding out. The doctor was trying to salvage my uterus as I definitely wanted kids at some point, so he didn’t remove all the fibroids to reduce scarring that eventually can end up causing infertility.
I recovered well and my period went back to almost normal come the next cycle.
Currently Iam living with fibroids and trying to manage them by taking blood supplements to manage the anemia brought about by heavy bleeding during my period that can almost last to 10 days and using strong pain killers when am experiencing extremely painful cramps.
Trying to avoid stress at all costs (which is hard)as I plan to change my diet, as research shows that some of the food we eat has estrogen that causes a hormonal imbalance in our system by making estrogen more dominant .
Am still doing my research on diet and will fill you in on changes I experience if any once I detox and start eating clean, avoiding food rich in estrogen.
Doctors insist that nothing you do can stop the growth of fibroids but I choose to believe differently as women such as Gesse Thompson who is the Co-Fouder of Hope Beyond Fibroids Program have tried changing their diet and seen results.
She eventually even had her daughter.
What you need to know about fibroids:
Fibroids are really rampant among Black Women. 90% of black women are said have fibroids knowingly or unknowingly. Fibroids with no symptoms are known to be asymptomatic and the ones that cause symptoms like mine are known as SYMPTOMATIC. Fibroids are brought about by estrogen dominance, therefore estrogen levels need to be reduced to safe levels to eliminate them. Estrogen dominance is brought about by stress, diet and pollutants.
A few pointers on how to avoid stress are below:
1.Stop, Breathe and Exhale
Literary several times a day. Release stress, as stress is a chemical reaction brought about by pressures of life (good or bad) Good things could be planning a wedding or building a career.
Silence your mind and relax, you will have more peace.
2. Retire the Cape
Real women are super heroes, but super heroes are not real.
The main stress point for women comes from not saying no to others and yes to ourselves where it really matters.Examine exactly what your priorities are.
Because we don’t have our own values we end up being driven by others people’s priorities. Our substance is our time-protect it. Establish limits and healthy boundaries. God, me then others.
3. Make today Count
20 per cent of the input is equal to the 80 per cent output. What are the 3-4 things that are going to have an impact on my vision today? This will give you focus for the day. You will have a more increased sense of peace and purpose when you do this.
4. Do you Daily
Have regular fun, it helps not be overwhelmed by the stressors we can’t schedule away.
Are you living with fibroids?
What’s your story?
How are you currently managing your fibroids?
Let me know below.
Why I have been MIA.
Today I boldly talk about the 3 gifts I had and not the 3 gifts that were taken away from me.
Have you ever tried to script your life?
You think you have everything planned until God comes in says, hold up, you have no screen right credits because when am done, it will have my name all over it, because baby girl you don’t have the script I do.
I decided to expose this part of my life to continue with the self-healing journey I’m on.
I was afraid to disclose this part of my life, until I realized, being brave didn’t mean I wasn’t afraid but that it is my only option.
I believe I went through all this to help someone, to tell someone that you can’t give up. If Iam still alive and you are, God hasn’t given up on us. You will be just fine.
The last 3 months were bigger than me, they were meant to uplift, heal and restore people’s lives, I now realize it was never about me.
I had to go through the threshing floor to be someone’s miracle of hope.
I refused to continue shutting down because I was on survival mode. I refused to mask my emotions as I was turning into something Iam not.
When 2018 began I was all set for a new chapter of my life, after quitting my full time job, I was so excited to go after what I wanted, and not just what I wanted but what God put me on earth to do.
So just like you, I planned, my vision was clear. I hit start to my mind and awakened my soul for what I knew was going to be a bumpy but fulfilling journey. I didn’t care much about the bumps along the way because I knew what I wanted and I was out to accomplish it. If you know me, bumps never stop, they actually confirm to me that am doing the right thing.
You see my mum always used the illustration of a tree with very ripe fruits to explain the bumps along life’s long journey. The tree always got the most stones thrown at it, as people tried to get the fruits to the ground. Well let me put it like this, I didn’t know what I was in for.
After starting out Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice in February I sort of could envision the path my vlogging and blogging would take and unravel itself through this year.
Then in March one bump startled me, actually shook me, I lost my aunt, at the same time I was experiencing a miracle inside me, I found out I was pregnant! It was all so unreal, trying to deal with the loss of my aunt who was like a second mum to me and yet trying to be still and calm for the life that was growing inside me (so I thought)
I will never forget the excitement, of the first blood test results as I called my husband and mum crying like a baby. It was something I was always looking forward to. I was married for almost 2 years now and the thought of having a baby, (although it scared me, still does) I mean the responsibility seemed crazy and special to bear for a minute, yet having a mini me or my hubbys mini seemed like a dream come true.
All seemed to go well until mid April. I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to go through. Looking back if I knew this would have happened I would maybe have asked God to take me home sooner than he plans to, that’s just my truth. I was at a place where my walk with God was becoming more enjoyable. I been had asking God to show me my heart and what was true and, in every way, every test that he beset I always passed. I felt as though God was cleaning me up from the inside out, maybe for the new role I was about to embrace?
Well, time came for us to go see our little peanut (that was the babies name in the meantime before we found out the gender) I kept asking my husband to set his phone reminder for the 2pm appointment we had with the gynae that day. As soon as he got to the clinic we walked in to see the doctor. I was going to meet my baby for the first time, uuh, ooh, the feeling that was!
The doctor spotted the sac, (1 only) but not a heartbeat so he asked that we go for a 3D scan so that we have a better view of what was going on in my womb. We did, only this time 3 sacs were seen. What? I was having triplets, but no heartbeats were spotted.” What does that mean? “ I asked the radiologist.
1st D&C Procedure
She mentioned, “I’m sorry you seem to have blighted ovum’s and your doctor should explain more.” We went back to the doctor and he explained that there wasn’t a known cause for blighted ovum’s but that he needed to book me in for a D and C to avoid getting my uterus infected.
Everything was happening so fast; how did we move to seeing 3 sacs to having a non-viable pregnancy. My babies would not grow he mentioned, eventually I would miscarry naturally and start bleeding he said, so he booked me in for theater later that week.
I went back to the car and broke down, why God, why? What is going on? it was all too much!!
My mum and I decided to hold on to faith for 2 weeks praying and trusting God that the ultrasound after 2 weeks would show something different. Unfortunately, nothing changed.
On Mother’s Day, 13th May I started bleeding and was rushed into emergency for what seemed like the end of a miracle but little did I know, all hell was about to break loose.
My doctor was out of town and couldn’t do the D and C so he ended up asking another doctor to perform the D and C.
To cut this long story short, the D and C wasn’t done properly, I still had products of conception inside me. I went through a week of pain, which was said to be equivalent to labor pains. I had to be rushed to theatre again and got a second D and C done by my gynae this time.
Before the 2nd D and C I had rushings to emergency twice only to be pumped with pain killers then eventually to theatre. I was going through treatments with doctors and nurses who couldn’t figure out the root cause of my pain (that’s a story for another blog post)
The second D and C with my gynae went well and I was at home for a good month in June trying to wake up from the longest nightmare of my life.
A few days before my mum’s birthday in June, I went back to theatre to get what seemed something bigger than a boil growing on my left armpit drained as it was full of pus. Yap, another round to theatre. The first 2 weeks of July my eczema flared up again, and I was on other spiral, fighting for my health, most of all my sanity.
Well, I have to end this article here, let’s say, am now on a self healing journey I embarked on to get my mind, heart and soul in one peace. So far, I’m grateful for life, better and taking a day at a time.
Now you know why I have been MIA.
There is a Part 2 to this article I’m working on and a 3rd one on my self healing journey.
Keep it locked and catch up with me again soon.
Can you relate to this experience leave you comment below.
Thanks for stopping by.
1.The Length Dimension
This entails what you love/enjoy doing. What do you derive pleasure doing?
2.The Depth Dimension
This are the things you are eager to do, God places this as a desire in your heart to do something.
It’s also what you are passionate about/what moves your emotions. Also what angers you the most can lead you to simply discovering what you love doing.
3.The Width Dimension.
This are things that come naturally to you and that you do with ease.
4.The Height Dimension
What are you excellent at?
The combination of these things can shed light on what your purpose is
Once you discover your purpose get consistent and disciplined at it.
Purpose does take surrender and sacrifice.
Be willing to persistently press through what you were born to do.
Contentment really gets a bad rep in our world today.
It’s thought to be a state of laziness and apathy.
I know of a situation one time when I was looking for a job and I got it, I was able to rent a house and to have food on my table.
I met the man of my dreams and got hitched (and I love it).
Then I realized I need a salary raise and once I couldn’t get it I went into a state depression.
But then, why did I always want more?
Some may call it ambition; I refuse to believe it was, as I was trying to fill a void, trying to get satisfaction off things.
That wasn’t going to work.
Ooh, and don’t get me going on the shopping sprees I went on when I got depressed.
What I didn’t know is that I wasn’t making the most of what already God had put in my hands, until this year I let go of it all, went back to the drawing board (to the feet of God) and got a hold of what really matters, purpose!
Where is your treasure?
I had to realize that I could own stuff, have it all going without allowing all this things to weigh me down, because when they did, I would want something new that would give me a different feeling/experience. This way I wouldn’t stop to be grateful and grow into a better person because I was always in a constant state of “wanting more.”
How to Remain Content:
For being alive, if you are still breathing God isn’t done with you yet.
So trust that he has a bigger plan, a better purpose for your life that in due time he will unveil it.
As you wait, work with what he has given you.
If you truly believe his got you, you will rest, you will be content.
Learn from your present circumstances before wanting a change or more stuff.
Yourself with everyone else, you are unique and loved by God as you are.
Your journey is different, learn to appreciate it and enjoy each moment of it.
Learn to live in the moment of every experience and you will be grateful for every opportunity God has brought your way!
On other news, we have started a YouTube Channel with my girls where we share our thoughts and experiences with you on different topics.
Subscribe to Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice so as not to miss any of our episodes.
Catch my next blog article next week; turn on your notification bell on instagram @tndichu and FB –Tabitha Ndichu, to be notified when I have a new post so that you don’t miss out on a good read.
How do you remain content?
Let me know below..
Feels soooo good to be typing out my second post this week, after the amazing feedback on my night time routine. Thanks guys!
You guys fuel the drive to share this part of my life with you.
Catch me on Saturday at noon live on Instagram. I will be answering all your questions regarding my night time routine.
I thought I would share with you what’s in my bag.
As obvious as this sounds, I can’t imagine life without my phone.
I once tried spending an entire day without it and when the clock hit 6pm I was literary gasping for breath as I ran into my room to get it.
From the ease to accessing my contacts, projects, camera, to being able to do my research and make notes. Not forgetting that SOCIAL MEDIA scroll, which is a part of what I do!
How did we ever once survive without cell phones?
2 .My Wallet
Yes, am the girl who never misses her wallet around, especially because it’s a place holder for my insurance cards, bank cards and other very important stuff I wouldn’t live without.
I love a basic black wallet as it matches all my bags and incase I want to switch to carrying my wallet instead of my entire bag around it does match my outfits too.
Ladies, trust me. We all need this.
You don’t want people spotting traces of kale or meat in your teeth when talking or laughing or not being able to stand the bad smell that comes from your stinky mouth.
Which brings me to my next item.
I love the Cool Mint flavor that always leaves my breath tasting like mint.
The Active Oral Care brand is my fave.
I love the fact that the spray is portable enough to fit into all my bags and clutches.
Everyone who knows me, calls me the Wet Wipes Queen!
Find me dead without one.
From being able to sanitize my hands incase am somewhere where I can’t wash my hands after meals or just when I need a good clean.
When that lipstick isn’t in place I run for my wipes.
They are very functional.
The portability is a definate plus.
And the fact that my hands can remain dry after using my wet wipes because of this is amazing.
Ladies we know we can’t visit any washroom without Miss Tissues.
So yes, for those days when tissues are missing in the loo, mine come in handy.
Did I mention, how godly tissues seem, when you spill that drink on your very gorgeous dress and you can only clean it up from where you are sitted.
Thank me later.
Keeps dry hands at bay.
Side Note: Choose one with an amazing scent.
I mean, you know why.
For those days am wearing my natural hair or have my mbalaas (weave) on, this helps my edges stay laid and my hair looking neat.
9.Lip Gloss/ Lipstick
Lipstick for when am already wearing one and lip gloss for when am not wearing makeup.
Chapped lips look ooh so awful!
10.My Work Tags
Aint nobody looking pretty stuck at the office door or when your timesheets come in blank at the end of the week.
We all want to keep our jobs, don’t we?
11.A sanitary bag
That looks nothing like one, its ooh so pretty!
I bet you wouldn’t think it has sanitary towels inside.
For those red dreaded days ladies.
This are especially for my husband who always complains of having headaches (they make me look like the good wife!)
When my head aches, I must be under the weather, just rush me to hospital. I rarely get headaches. Thank Jesus!
Tummy pain killers come in handy during those red dreaded days as well.
Just to make sure everything is in place.
Share what items you can’t live without in your bag in the comment section below.
As always, I love hearing from you!
“Let the skeptics have their doubts, I prefer to believe that ideas do have wings.” Harlowe B. Andrews
Imaging surrounds us every moment of our lives; we are exposed to its power from the moment we’re born.
In this chapter we will focus on unveiling the power behind images people hold of us and self-images, those we hold about ourselves.
Images People Hold Of Us
I recall taking my report card to my mum every end of the term while in primary school.
My math grades were always really bad, yet she never stopped saying, “you are the head and not the tail”, “blessed is the fruit of my womb” my mum never stopped.
She kept saying if you came from my womb you have no choice but to be blessed (which she still says till now)
Being as young as 13 I would just imagine my mum is saying this things just to encourage me to get better grades.
What I didn’t know is that she was creating an image of what she hoped to see happen in my life. A year later, I came home with a grade B in Maths from a D+, she spoke my success into existence after "imaging" it.
The idea of the power of positive thinking was conveyed to me right then and there. Her image of me succeeding must have been stronger than mine of failure. She reinforced this image with fervent prayer and if you know me & my siblings look nothing short of blessed. God has been faithful.
The images people hold of us do have an impact on our lives. But the images that affect us most strongly are the self-images that we develop as we move through the years.
This could be positive and strong or sometimes negative and weak.
Stop focusing on failure, visualize yourself as a success and you will be exactly that. If you have a positive image of yourself in your mind that’s so strong then it’s going to happen. Positive self- imaging is merely echoing a positive reality that has already existed in your mind.
Jesus said, if you have faith even as a grain of mustard seed, nothing is impossible for you.
Paint in all the details, make it as real as you possibly can. You are never defeated until you accept the image of defeat. Remember you can also image defeat, and its manifestations will indeed be your portion.
You can program yourself one way or the other. It’s up to you. Some people consider this as a silly form of mental gymnastics-lifting your own bootstraps-nothing more. But there is more to receive if you actualize it. You will have moments of discouragement, of course. It’s interesting how always, someone steps forward to renew my image of better results.
There is this one friend in my life who has the most positive outlook to life, it scares the negative out of you when around her. Such people have reinforced the reality of positive imaging in my life.
Keep positive people around you, it helps.
Till the next series, stay positive and continue creating the mental reality of whatever you want to behold.
Image: courtesy - olivesnwine
This is a continuation of the book review “The Positive Way to Change Your Life” Chapter 1 of this book, is an introduction of what imaging is about.
So, what is imaging?
There is a powerful and mysterious force in human nature that is capable of bringing about dramatic improvement in our lives. It is a kind of mental engineering that works best when supported by a strong religious faith.
It’s not difficult to practice, anyone can do it.
An image formed and held tenaciously in the conscious mind will pass presently, by a process of mental osmosis, into the unconscious mind.
In imaging, one doesn’t merely think about a hoped for goal, one “sees” or visualizes it with tremendous intensity, reinforced with prayer.
Imaging is a kind of laser beam of the imagination, a shaft of mental energy in which the desired goal or outcome is pictured vividly by the conscious mind, that the unconscious mind accepts it and is activated by it.
This then releases powerful internal forces that can bring astonishing changes in the life of the person who is doing the imaging.
Well imaging works with creating what you want for your future, illness and family.
Every aspect of your life you image, eventually tends to be your reality.
If one images success, it will similarly strongly tend to develop that image as fact.
The only way the theory of “imaging” works is if it is tested in many demonstrations of actual experiences under varied circumstances.
So go on and create that image, and when the reality hits home, let me know.
Catch another series on imaging next Friday.
I love you all,
Leave a comment below on your thoughts regarding imaging.
Hey! Am super excited to be for the first time, doing my second post in a week.
Yiee! God’s grace is more than sufficient I believe.
So for the next 4 months/ 16 weeks every Friday I will be taking you through a chapter of a book that has been changing my life. We are not all normally absolute to change, but I believe change is inevitable for growth.
Therefore buckle up for a book review!
Chapter by Chapter I will delve into the contents of what truths that have been mind-blowing!
So the book is titled ”The Positive Way to Change your Life” by Norman Vincent Peale.
A positive attitude of mind can literary change your life.
I pray that your life will be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Norman, has pinpointed this concept to solve problems, strengthen personalities and give wings to ideas.
You will discover the power available to you through “imaging” the theory that an image vividly conceived and strongly held has a reality of its own.
It is not the movement of the clock that produces the newness of life, it is the movement of your mind!
You have to believe and conceptualize that “this is your time!” to experience the same!
The real battle ground is your mind.
It is not liars, backbiters, money, it’s not what they say about you, but what you say about yourself that threatens your destiny!
New life comes from a new mind, a new way of looking at life!
Let’s proof this theory in the next few weeks, will we?
Lace Peplum Top: Mr Price Junction
Hey Good People!
I hope you have been getting inspired by Tabby's Chronicles?
I have been enjoying sharing this part of my life with you! I mean my goal is to help get as many of you close to if not the best version of yourself!
Throughout life I have had people at different seasons in my life walk in and out.
This has always sort of marked a new chapter of my life, either the start of something beautiful or the end of a matter. Either way both have brought something amazing in my life.
Times I hold close to my heart.
I have broken down the 3 types of people’s personalities and characters.
You will come around very few of them.
These are people who love you unconditionally.
If you get into trouble they will get into it with you.
You will never inherit your kingdom until you find your confidant.
Take the example of David in the Bible, you can’t be David until you find your Jonathan.
Having a confidant is the key that unlocks your destiny.
If you were raised inside the gates and need to reach the wall, a confidant will get you there.
They will get into your business and tell you when wrong.
They are for what you are for.
As long as you are for what they are for, they will work with you and labour with you, but never think they are for you.
If they meet someone else that will further their agenda, they will leave you and hook up with them, because they were never for you.
If broken, never mistake your constituents for your confidants.
They will break your heart as they hook up with someone else who is not what you are for because it was about the causes you represent, they are what you are for, but not for you.
They are not for you or what you are for, but what you are against.
They will team up with you to help fight a greater enemy, don’t be confused, they will only be with you until victory is accomplished.
They come into your life to complete a purpose, once it’s done they leave.
Expect the constituents and comrades to leave you and desert you after a while,
Be careful who you tell your dreams to.
If you tell your dream to your constituents they will desert you and try it do it without you.
Comrades won’t support it because they never were what you were about anyway.
How to identify people who are for you:
They will weep with you when you weep and rejoice with you when you do.
I hope this post brought you closer to your confidants who will help you get a step closer to your destiny!
Off Shoulder Dress:Mr Price
Leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you!
I love you all so much.
Tabitha draws her inspiration and motivation from helping people from all walks of life and different variations to look their best. She believes that people should only see your style but focus on you.